AshleyMills.com

Here is how you sneak a knife through airport security:

Walk through without one and get one from a restaurant on the other side.

I know a guy whose child's cutlery was confiscated by security. It's bullshit isn't it? I guess this is what they call "security theatre".

Inconvenience people: of course. Inconvenience corporations: no way.

I had the flu last week. How do I know it was the flu and not a cold? Well I don't know for sure but fever came on extremely quickly and I was bedridden for 3 days with terrible chills and dehydration. It took a week of being zonked to dissappear, and I still look a little off-color.

Once upon a time I told a woman that I had flu and she exclaimed "What, man flu!" in a mocking and sexist manner implying that I only had a cold but was being a cry baby, and that men in general are in habit of doing this.

Well I wanted to get to the bottom of this man-flu nonsense, so I looked up a paper about the symptoms of cold and flu [1]. Here are some pertinent excerpts from the most cited journal paper on the matter:

The clinical expression of URTIs is variable and is partly influenced by the nature of the infecting virus but to a greater extent is modulated by the age, physiological state, and immunological experience of the host. Depending on these factors, URTIs may occur without symptoms, may kill, or most commonly will be associated with an acute self-limiting illness.

“Common cold” and “flu” are syndromes of familiar symptoms caused by viral infection of the upper respiratory tract. It is difficult to define the syndromes exactly because of great variation in the severity, duration, and types of symptom. Rhinoviruses account for 30–50% of all colds, and coronaviruses are the second most common agent, accounting for 10–15% of colds. Influenza viruses account for 5–15% of colds, and cold viruses such as respiratory syncytial virus are responsible for much flu-like illness, demonstrating that there is much overlap in aetiology and symptomatology of common cold and flu syndromes.

So you can shove your man flu up your arse! You haven't got a clue what virus I'm infected with. In practice neither do I, but I think I'm in a better position than you to judge my own symptoms relative to prior infections and hazard a guess.

The best predictors for influenza are cough and fever, since this combination of symptoms has been shown to have a positive predictive value of around 80% in differentiating influenza from a population suffering from flu-like symptoms.

Yes so I think I had flu and not a cold. So my man flu friend, it would appear you don't have telepathic medical abilities afterall and are in fact a sexist chump. The paper has some other interesting things to say:

Fever in response to infection is found in a wide range of animals and is believed to be beneficial as regards the host response to infection. Fever is usually associated with novel or severe viral infections, especially emerging viral infections where the virus is novel to the host, as in influenza epidemics and SARS. As discussed, fever is uncommon in adult cases of common cold, but is common in infant cases, presumably because the adult has been exposed to numerous common cold viruses and subsequent infections do not trigger a strong immune response, whereas the viruses are novel to the infant.

Hmm, so that thing I had last week was probably something I hadn't had before. And also, man flu freak, if your baby has a fever it might be "just" a cold. Bet you didn't expect that did you? Bet you didn't expect that not even the converse of you're stupid man flu attack can be considered true? lol OK finally, I like one of the conclusions:

The unpleasant symptoms of fever, malaise, and anorexia help to overcome infection and it is debatable whether elimination of these symptoms with non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs is beneficial. At present there is no evidence that symptomatic treatment of URTIs interferes with the course of the common cold or influenza but this is an area that is worthy of more research.

So perhaps the next time I catch a Rhinovirus, coronoavirus, Influenza virus, or similar, perhaps I won't bother taking any medicine and see how it works out.

[1] "Understanding the symptoms of the common cold and influenza" Ron Eccles, Lancet Infect Dis 2005;
5: 718–725 http://140.116.58.126:8080/%E5%85%92%E7%A7%91/Feb-27.pdf

send the monsters in
mutant fairytales
gaping mouths with silver teeth
trawling for souls

tear the place up
and spit out the bones
bury them
and hope the dogs don't find them

As autumn approaches, every young boy of Conker age, keeps a watchful eye on the growing fruits of his favourite horse chestnut trees. And it is common, especially among the eager, to prematurely harvest the crop before somebody else does.

Harvest usually takes place on a nice sunny autumn afternoon, blue skies and a cool fragrant breeze, nothing more. The harvest is affected by means of climbing, which turns blue jeans to green jeans, branch shaking, and surface-to-tree stick-throwing. The whole affair is almost religious in its dedication and annual recurrance.

The harvested conkers, split prematurely from their bright green spikey shells under foot on the nearby roads, are white in appearance, and take several days in the airing cupboard to reach the colour of their naturally ripened and de-shelled brethren. The roads around the scene are left littered with browned decaying half-shells, and a few dead conkers, the latter having been smashed into oblivion during the de-shelling through accidentally over forceful stamping. The victim trees are left battered, bearing an inevitable few missing branches, with giant fingered leaves leaves scattered everywhere.

It is during the harvest that our story begins. I remember one particular year, up near Toft Hill, a friend and and I happened upon a row of conker trees next to the busy Southam road. Being on the periphery of the village, these were unmolested by our rivals.

The trees were parallel to the road, squeezed between the pavement, some bushes, and an adjacent field which had horses in it. We were able to break through the bushes and into the secluded haven nestled safely under the bows of the trees.

These particular conkers, were odd, in that some of them had smooth shells that took on a colour that was more olive than the bright green of their pointed neighbors. Nethertheless, these trees had some real monsters on them. Shells that were bigger than our fists!

The thing with giant conker shells, is that they typically turn out to have multiple conker seeds inside. Doubles perhaps being the most common, followed by triples, singles, and sometimes even quads. More conkers per shell however, usually results in smaller conker seeds. So the desire when a monster shell is spotted, is that it contains only one or two monster seeds, and when this rings true, a boy can know no comparable pleasure.

Image Copyright: Andrew Dunn

Anyway, to get back to the point of the story. My friend Richard and I spent the Saturday afternoon collecting conkers from the grove, and we amassed a bucket full at least. For some reason we got the idea that we had collected 500 conkers, although we never counted them.

Richard, being the enterprising type, came up with the idea that we should try and sell the conkers at our middle school on the coming Monday, and I agreed. It was clear that we had far more conkers than we could possibly use ourselves. Richard decided that for 500 conkers, a fair price would be £5, a penny per conker. £5 was a lot to me, my weekly pocket money at the time being 40p. The sale would net us each £2.50, more than 6 weeks of pocket money!

When Monday came, I packed the conkers into a blue rucksack, struggled to zip up its bulging contents, and headed off to school in good spirits.

Richard was quick off the mark and as morning break came around he went straight over to his buyer. A farmer type guy known as Brandle. It was apparent that he already had Brandle in mind, and I could tell from his approach that he was able to play this guy like a true salesman.

Richard worked his magic, and after a few minutes, had Brandle willing to hand over £5 for the "500" conkers. Brandle looked excited, and clearly considered it a great deal. At this point the morning break ended and we went back inside.

During the interim work period, before lunch break, in a feat of salesmanship as conniving as it was brilliant, Richard came up with a scheme to double the profits.

I was to approach Brandle and make the claim that Richard himself, having been the broker for the deal, had decided that in fact he wanted the conkers for himself, and was willing to offer me £7. For now it seemed I had become the "owner" of the conkers.

I warned Richard that this might be pushing it too far, that we should be grateful for £5, and I tried to talk him out of it. But he was my best friend at the time, and so eventually I agreed to it.

So, when lunchbreak arrived, I approached Brandle before he went outside, and set about explaining the situation. I explained as best I could how Richard, having had a close look at the Conkers, was now interested in them himself, and I told Brandle that if he really wanted them, he would have to pay £10. Richard was watching eagerly over my shoulder all the while.

At first Brandle seemed to respond positively to the proposal, but then Richard started playing up the role of "interested buyer" a bit too enthusiastically, and ultimately perverted it by symultaneously giving the hard sell in encouraging Brandle to take the deal. And so, as quickly as the original deal had been setup, and as quickly as it had instilled me with the warm belief that I'd soon be the owner of a nice £2.50, the deal toppled and crashed upon the floor. It was wrecked. Brandle had backed out of the deal, having been pushed to the point where his senses came back, and the allure of "500" shiny conkers was lost.

Dispondently, I furrowed my brow and started thinking. After a couple of seconds and an idea flashed into my head. There was only one thing for it. I knew exactly what to do. Excitedly, I took my rucksack and rushed over to the bottom playground. It was already populated, since we had spent several minutes presiding over the deal inside.

I went to the top of the steps which overlooked the playground, unzipped the bag and shouted, as loud and protracted as I could:

"S..C..R..A..M..B..L..E!"

whilst tipping the conkers out of the bag. As they bounced noisily down the steps and onto the grey asphalt, children were already running over, having heard the celebrated and familiar call of scramble and were rushing to collect as many conkers as possible.

"Ashley!" came a commanding shout from behind me "What the hell are you doing! Pick those up at once!" bellowed the on-duty teacher. Sheepishly I said "OK" and felt a little bit worried, but as I looked up my worries evaporated, a smile cracked across my face. There was no longer any need. The conkers were already gone!

I never watch or read the news unless someone brings it to my attention. I think that it is all bullshit. I can't stand the lies they print and the bias they impart to everything.

Consider the daily mail nazi hate brigade. They seem to confuse human rights with crime and punishment. Bizzarrely these people seem to want us all to have less rights under the argument that criminals should be punished more. WTF is that all about? If they want criminals to be punished more, they should campaign about exactly that and that only. For fuck's sake don't jeopardise our hard won human rights in the process. Why should I be punished, and have MY human rights taken away?

The daily mailers also seem to confuse understanding the cause of crimes with the notion of excusing crimes. When it is said that the reason someone committed a crime is because they came from a shit family, this does not mean they should be excused from the crime. They should not, they should be punished all the same. The reason for understanding the why, is so that we can try and treat the cause and not the symptoms.

I've always been suspicious of the claim "oh we need harder discipline", as if is clear that it works, because I don't think it does. I once knew someone who used to get beaten by his dad, and he was the worst behaved person I knew. A large fraction of the bullied go on to bully. A large fraction of the abused go onto abuse. If discipline implies control and subjugation, then I think it will make things worse.

I was never beaten and never subjected to extreme discipline as a child, and guess what, I haven't turned into a serial killer so I don't think it logically follows that the absence of extreme discipline results in pathological criminality. In fact, I believe it is precisely the opposite.

It is no accident that the violent scumbags more often come from shit areas and shit families. It is no accident that the violent scumbags are more often poor than not. This isn't my prejudice speaking, just take a look at the actual statistics regarding the incarcerated.

So there is a cause, or a bias at least, that tends to turn the badly treated into the badly behaved. And the people with nothing, into the people with nothing to lose.

And yet I was careful above to use the term "violent scumbags", as it is not just the poor and the badly treated who commit crimes, far from it, the poor just tend to dominate in the violent inter-personal crime demographic.

Looking elsewhere, the papers that print the lies, the politicians who play the system, and the big businesses who exploit others en masse, are all equally culpable. But what is the "excuse" for this behavior?

Looking at the bigger picture, there has never, as far as my limited knowledge of history goes, been a society which lived in total peace with itself and other societies, which didn't have a class structure, which didn't persecute or segregate. And there was never a golden age in the recent history of our country where things were significantly better than they are now. So all the nostalgic pining for the good old days is a load of bullshit.

On the flip side, society has in general improved in its morality. Persecution and biggotry were much wider spread in the past and society was more violent. For example, in 16th century Paris, cat burning was considered entertainment. And the word "medieval" didn't obtain its double meaning by accident.

Along these lines, here is a short article about how violence has gone down, from a decent, or at least more intelligent, news source:

http://pinker.wjh.harvard.edu/articles/media/2007_03_19_New%20Republic.pdf

As part of my EngD I have to do 100 credits of taught units. I didn't read the conditions when I signed up for the thing, as if I had really realized what the taught units had entailed, I probably would have done a straight PhD instead. Doing modules is a killer. After my MSc I had had enough of taught components. And with the MSc I actually wanted to learn the stuff. All the EngD stuff has been crap.

Well anyway, I had to do some core stuff which was mandated and then I have to make up the rest of the credits by taking "specialist modules". I luckily only have one module remaining, which I am taking now at loughborough. This module is called "Internet Programming." I know, it should be a breeze. Good. I need to get this stuff out the way so I can get back to my research and my THESIS <gulp> <mild panic attack>.

Well I've just arrived in Loughborough and here is the place I am staying:

Sink but no fucking ensuite:

Typical stupid university signs:

You may wonder why I'm taking a picture of the toilet. Well because it's shit, excuse the pun:

Alright it is shared, but it looks clean, and I'm not a squeamish princess. But the thing is, what you can't tell is that one can barely fit into the fucking cubical without rubbing all over the toilet to get into the room. Here is ths shared shower:

Christ. OK none of this is terribly bad, but I want to moan. It's not exactly 5 star. Shared fucking toilet and shower, its like being a student again, oh wait...

You know this makes me want to rant about greed and property in general.

If I ruled a country, I would mandate certain restrictions on living space, such that everyone would have a detached property with lots of room. This implies birth control of course, since we don't have infinite space.  The system would be based around a one or maybe two child policy once the population hit some target value. Extra child permits would be able via a lottery system each year depending on the death and birthrate the previous year, so that the population would stay roughly constant overall.

It's kind of impossible isn't it however, to enforce something like that? People want the freedom to pump out children like mad, because evolution has given them such desires. It would require social responsibility in the country, it would require people to think, yeah it would be nice to have more children but the country will suffer if we all keep pumping them out. I don't think humans have that kind of social skill.

Because you know, population is really at the heart of many of our problems. It is certainly the biggest thing in the energy debate. Imagine how much easier the energy problem would be, if we needed 100 or even 200 times less energy than we do now. But talk of reducing the population 100-fold, well that's madness, impossible. It is too late.

The whole energy problem is not popular news in anycase. The energy problem is the biggest challenge human civilisation has probably ever faced, and the threat is imminent, we're talking about the next 20 years or so. Yet the goverments are not taking it seriously, do they know something I don't? Well never mind, I'm sure things will sort themselves out.

It may be considered slightly heretical of me to say so, given the media hype and government drives surrounding exercise promotion, but I am of the belief that exercise is a waste of time.

It really is. The only reason that artificial exercise is a necessity, is because our bodies have evolved under the pressure of exercise being a requisite survival skill. This means that there was never a selection pressure to optimize the body for situations in which exercise wasn't the norm, and therefore not surprisingly the body goes wrong in absence of exercise. If you don't exercise your body enough, it is the evolutionary equivalent of putting a niche species into a different environment in which it is less successful. It's no surprise then that all kinds of problems ensue.

I wish the damned thing was just maintain itself. The evolution of a self-maintaining body may have arisen if we had of had lifestyles that required an equal measure of long periods of intense activity followed by long periods of non-activity. Then selection pressure might have favoured those whose bodies maintained themselves better during the inactive periods, especially so if there happened to be some fatal danger present in the active periods which would require a high level of physical fitness to endure. Alas this didn't happen, hence our bodies have not really evolved to cope with long periods of inactivity.

Obesity, heart disorder, diabetes, depression, and lethargy, among others, can all be caused by a lack of exercise. So to borrow an expression from Chistopher Hitchins, for the sake of any biblical fanatics reading, Some Design!

Every benefit of exercise: the endorphins, getting fresh air, being outside, etc, are all simply norms that the body actually expects. This is the environment in which the majority of our evolution was accomplished. If you want to feel normal, do a lot of exercise.

So whilst it may be a bullshit that we have to do it, the upside is it will make you feel better than if you don't do it. I don't want to be overly negative about it, there isn't enough time in life for that kind of thinking.

Speaking of thinking, I think that future robotic humanoids will not have our body problems. You know, sometimes I wonder to myself that the body might be better equipped if it had a better GUI:

Except of course it wouldn't look as shit. I think the following features would be useful:

• Something like a sleep or dream mode and autopilot function so I can do something else while the body is running around doing my bidding. Like if I had to run from A to B I could set it on auto and then get it to play a movie in my head or do calculus or whatever.
• The speed would be controllable, also the system would offer more precise control over power and torque. Everything would be in standard units and have multiple choices so when doing up a nut I could actually get the right torque without a wrench. Builtin weighing ability when picking things up would also be cool.
• Indicators for heart rate and remaining power. Actually I'd have a couple of meters showing short term power and long term power. Also control of the adrenal glands would be useful.
• Full control over pain, endorphins, etc. So I can feel whatever I want. But meters to indicate how much of different neurotransmitters are remaining, and at what rate they are being replenished etc. Control over how the body invests its energy in its myriad repair and synthesis functions.
• Some kind of builtin scripting language would be useful so I could have event driven actions, like wake me up out of dream mode if something crazy happens. Also the scripting language could have macros so if you have to do some stupid repetitive task, then you can program yourself to do it automatically, and then do something else meanwhile (I guess to some extent this actually works in the extant system, like ironing in front of the TV).

Well, I'm sure you can think of better and more interesting ways the body could be augmented with useful features. Note that I'd want these evolved into the brain de-facto, not some cheap addons from Intel or whatever.

Just wrote to my MP regarding Gary McKinnon:

---

Dear Richard Benyon,

I write from Newbury, West Berkshire.

I am writing to you regarding the conduct of our nation in the case of Mr Gary McKinnon. Gary is accused of "hacking" into various US computer systems. Regardless of the extent to which he is guilty of these crimes, all the accusations are with reference to actions taken on our soil, within the jurisdiction of our country. Crimes committed or suspected of being committed within our jurisdiction, should likewise be tried within our jurisdiction, by our judicial system. The US request to have Gary extradited, should therefore be met with a flat refusal, on the grounds that the actions he is accused of, were committed here.

I am afraid that our country has given itself over in this manner to acting as a sergeant under the US, in obeying its every request. This is a threat to our sovereignty and integrity, and must be resisted.

Please then, I urge you to sign Early Day Motion 2388, with regard to this case, of which more information can be found here:

http://edmi.parliament.uk/EDMi/EDMDetails.aspx?EDMID=36777&SESSION=891

Thanks

Ashley Mills

---

I think I have been clear enough in the email. But to reiterate, I don't care if he is guilty or not, I simply object to extraditing any of our citizens for actions taken within our borders. I suppose one could argue that computer hacking transcends borders, but I would argue, that the physical act of hacking occured in the UK and thus should be tried in the UK.

... I wrote this whilst flying to Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago ...

I'm on a plane, not with any snakes thankfully. Those damn snakes.

I ended up going to Gatwick early, last night in fact. My reasoning for this, was the precendent set a couple of weeks ago when, due to the weather induced traffic chaos, it took me 5 hours to travel 32 miles.

Consequently I ventured the trip to Gatwick early, so as to protect myself from such a recurrance, given that the possibility of such an occurance was fighting for prominence in my growing list of anxieties.

I stayed in a place called "The Aintree", which was a bed and breakfast operated by a woman of plain but kind character and middling age. And by middling age I mean perhaps 40 or 50.

The Aintree http://www.aintreehouse.com/ was a satisfactory stay. Albeit a little expensive (£45).

I left for Gatwick after a hearty ye olde English Breakfast at approximately 9AM today and arrived at Gatwick Airport a prompt 10 minutes later.

My flight was scheduled to leave at 11:20 but it was delayed until 13:45. It was later delayed further until about 15:00 due to obscene security measures, and then we sat on the runway for aeons until presently whereupon we are in the air and it is 16:53. We have been in the air for about 15 minutes.

Security.

At the airport I was subject to two full body searches, and my trainers were inspected twice. Every passenger flying to Las Vegas had to undergo a full body search upon entering the "gate waiting area" in addition to the usual searches and metal detector scans that occur upon departure lounge entry. They also perfomed full hand-baggage bag searches on everyone.

Isn't it wierd how terrorists have such a hard-on for Aeroplanes? You'd think, given the relative lack of security on other forms of transport, that they might appeal more as targets. I guess not. Well not yet anyway.

Terrorists will continue to be generated and there will undoubtably be more attacks. If it isn't Aeroplanes it will be something else.

After the christmas bomber, they have decided to rush through the implementation of the naked scanners. If you haven't heard, there exist some microwave scanners which almost reach the pervert superhero's dream of being able to see through clothes. They are sufficiently advanced as to be able to show up a meat and two veg or a cameltoe.

But of course liberty must be sacrificed for security.

Yes, it was Benjamin Franklin who said "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."

But to borrow from Noam Chomsky. We are only supposed to revere great people, not read them. Stupid isn't it.

Sure, I don't want to get blown up, but I'm not scared of it. The risk is so low that it isn't worth my time. Besides, I have plenty of other things to worry about that take precendence. I am of course speaking with some tongue in cheek re my last sentence, for worry is a burden that likes to be encouraged. Call it a virus of the mind, like many others, it persists because it encourages me to fuel it, and I abide.

Reason.

On the plane, there are approximately 100 seats unoccupied. Lucky us. I have two seats to myself right now. I moved from my original seat. I tried to move before we took off, but one of the cabin ladies told me to go back because of "weight distribution". This was of course a sham reason, for my new position is better from the perspective of weight distribution, I can see this. And besides, I formerly chose my seat prior to flying, online. And I expect many others did. And so unless we all got lucky and chose a perfect distribution of weight, I find the excuse highly unlikely. If it were really "weight distribution", then surely we would have all been assigned new seats once it transpired that 100 seats had been freed up. I said "weight distribution!", and then she said "oh well the pilot knows where everyone is sitting". Fuck knows what the real reason for not letting me move before take-off was. That is, if there was any reason at all. On the way back the weight distribution issue came up, but this time they actually moved people around. Presumably then it is a real issue. But the first time, I'm sure it was a lie since they moved nobody, and like I said, my new position was more even.

Bozza physics.

In the "gate waiting area" before we left I heard a bizarre explanation of "aerodynamic theory" in the words of the protagonist. It went something like this:

"hey bozza, do you know anything about aerodynamic theory, you know, how a plane flies?"

"nah jobba, nuffink."

Jobba went off and got a pen and paper and came back to the window in the waiting area where I was sitting.

"Well bozza, you see the wing yeah, well yeah air particles. <pause> Air particles. <pause> The wing yeah it splits, it splits em, it splits the air particles in half. And then they join up on the other side. And 'cause this curve on top is longer, and its shorter under, then well the air particles, they travel faster underneath and this makes them lighter and so the wing lifts up".

I was tempted to correct him, but he looked like the kind of guy who wouldn't appreciate such a lesson.

This reminds me of something. Some people I feel, like to boast about what they know, and bully and belittle those that know less. You know the sort. Well I want to tell you that I am not one of those people. I just thought it was a funny explanation of flight worth sharing. And I think he thought he was genuinely spreading truth. At least he was appealing to reason to backup his claims, which is a good start.

I was reading a book from a friend lately called "What are you optimistic about?". It is a collection of short one or two page entries from eminent scientists and philosophers regarding what they are each optimistic about.

It is a good an uplifting read. I've been too negative lately, to worried about the world and its seemingly dead-end direction. But I was seeing things from a biased perspective.

The world is pretty fantastic actually, you just have to see it.

One thing I have picked up on, when reading this book, is that many of these eminent scientists think the same way that I do. I should point out, that I use the word eminent, only to indicate that they didn't just pick a bunch of  criminals off the street to provide entries. Of course, eminence is as Fenyman said "epilettes", a badge of honor bestowed by someone else to indicate worth. I think normal people are just as valuable, but its good to have a strong source to feed to those who value "eminence" heavily, when in a debate.

Well anyway. What I realized is that many of these people think like I do. Not exactly of course, but what I mean is, they value reason. They value reason and they don't like lies and evidence-absent claims. Many of the entries are about the death of God and the rise of reason, and this is the kind of stuff I love.

In reading that book, I came to the realization that it is people like us, the reasoners, the thinkers, that have driven civilization forward. And who continue to do so.

As the value of reason continues to grow, the dogmatists and religious, will find that they can ineffectively insulate their victims from the world that surrounds them. The brainwashing that they try and force upon their offspring will take less and less. So we don't have to do anything except promote science and reason, and the religious will simply lose purchase on the rockface of rationality that we are painstakingly shaping. Hopefully they will one day simply fall away forever.

So I am optimistic that the future is bright for society, and that reason is the means by which it will be acheived. Technology will save us from ourselves, and reason will free our minds. This inspires me to keep working on improving technology and advancing science.

Science is too often represented as a cold and heartless machine and the truth is regarded as unforgiving and impersonal.

Yet it is truth and beauty that hit my spiritual nail on the head.

In the words of Newton "Plato is my friend — Aristotle is my friend — but my greatest friend is truth.".

In physics there exist several different types of field, for example: gravitational field, electromagnetic field, and the more recent quantum field.

I believe it to be true that some people are generators of a forth type of field: the stupidity field.

This sounds rude, and perhaps I am rude. But some people I cannot stand to be around because they seem to radiate stupidity.

When I spend a long time around such a person, they start to get inside my head. It is if their stupid and brutish way of looking at the world starts to jostle for attention with mine by the might of its sheer and bloated ugliness.

It sounds crazy, but I am a little crazy when it comes to psychological matters, but it feels like their views and idiocy pollute and corrupt my mind. Does anyone else get this? Do you?

I hate this. I need to learn to concentrate and block out external influence better.